This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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