if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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