I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
