operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
