Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
