wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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