So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
