I think I just saw someone hide a body.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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