Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
