i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
