Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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