I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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