I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
My vagina just recognized that song.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
third nipple confirmed
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
