I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
