Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize