wat bout pragnant strippers??
Can Purell be used as lube?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize