Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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