Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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