everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
