dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
