MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
