she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I will pee on everything he values.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
