apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
