apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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