Apparently you make a good broom.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
