Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This toilet bowl is my home.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
