Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
