I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
