You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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