We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
