I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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