Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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