just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
