im drinking this country out of the recession.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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