Ketchup is God's man juice
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
