This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
As shirtless as possible
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
