The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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