Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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