All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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