idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
