Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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