I wish I only lived at night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
