the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love having hate sex.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
