We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
