So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
