So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
