Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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