Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
