My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
