Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
