I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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