well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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