If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
