Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
