I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize