dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
