he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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