Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I believe in your delicious
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
