I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
don't judge my taste in strippers
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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