we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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