Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
