my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
