Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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