There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
