Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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