It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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