actually, I'm a sock model
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
