I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
