my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She told me I should be a condom model.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
